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:: "fuzzy romance and brutal terror" : apparently, I can get behind that ::
Fan Fiction Friday @ Topless Robot, or , AAAAAAAAA! 
21st-Mar-2009 12:28 am
Detail of 'Yuuwaku' by Audrey Kawasaki
Oh dear sweet Jesus on a pogo stick...you have to see this.

I was recently introduced to the joys of Topless Robot, which is the kind of snarky geek/comic/videogame/anime blog I wish I could write, and which I highly recommend.  (It includes TWoP in its blogroll, and the humor does remind me of TWoP back in the days when it was funny.)  On Fridays they post something called, appropriately enough, Fan Fiction Friday.

Think of the worst, most disturbing fanfic you've ever been tricked into reading.  Then double the pain.  Then quadruple it.  That starts to give you an idea of the things that this blog has dredged up from the depths of the intarwebz.  Look, people...things that cause you to use the phrases "Care Bears" and "S&M" in the same sentence?  Just shouldn't exist.  Nor should erotic scenes between a Red Koopa and a Green Koopa.  Nor should femslash involving Lilo of Lilo & Stitch and the Powerpuff Girls.  After all that, the Night Court mpreg looked almost normal.

Lest you think I am making this shit up, you can find it all here.  I wish LiveJournal allowed longer tags, because I would tag this as both OMG That Is Horrible and Disgusting - Let's Show It To Someone Else, and I May Be Messed Up But At Least I Don't Write Dragon Ball Z / Anne Frank Crossover Fic.  (That last one is safe to click on, by the way.  The author keeps it PG, and gives it a happy ending, in which Goku defeats Super Saiyan Hitler and takes Anne to Australia and marries her.  And the mere fact that I can state that kind of thing is safe to read, shows you just how warping some of the other stories were...)



Comments 
21st-Mar-2009 05:38 am (UTC)
Hermione and Draco in ferret form.
So, I was laughing my ass off and wondering "to click or not to click" when I looked below and started to SOB uncontrollably when I saw this: Why it is always Palin who gets fucked in the ass?

No no! Not my baby Michael Palin, my favorite person ever! I do not know why this upsets me so much, but I think I'm traumatized now.

But now I have to go read the Peter/Gabriel one. Thanks for the link. Fun!
21st-Mar-2009 05:51 am (UTC)
My fiance threatened me with a horrible painful death if I clicked on the Monty Python fic while he could see the computer screen. He finally left the room shaking his head while I laughed myself into coughing fits over the Goku/Anne Frank fic ("But Goku's ALREADY GOT A WIFE!"). Make sure you check out the Tony Stark/Kirk Lazarus crossover (yes, that is indeed slashing two Robert Downey Jr. characters). And the Smallville fic "Iguana F*ck You Like An Animal", which is not so much disturbing as just ZOMGWTFBBQ hilarious.
21st-Mar-2009 09:12 am (UTC)
Why it is always Palin who gets fucked in the ass?

Because McCain isn't healthy enough for sexual activity?

Oh, how I long for the days when a mention of "Palin" on the news made me think of Monty Python.
21st-Mar-2009 08:52 pm (UTC)
I refuse to look for McCain RPS.

I refuse to look for McCain RPS.

I refuse to look for McCain RPS.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
21st-Mar-2009 09:08 am (UTC)
I only made it one click down the latest FFF post before I went "'He'? How come they're so sure the author is male?" and went off to read the story in its entirety. ::forehead smack::

I need to spend a year living in seclusion at a Buddhist temple or something so my mind can heal to the point where bad fanfiction has an impact on me again.

BTW, at a glance I misread that title in your sidebar as "The Oxford Illustrated History of Oxford Illustrated Histories." I once read a history of Penguin paperbacks, but sadly, the book itself was not a Penguin paperback.
21st-Mar-2009 08:42 pm (UTC)
I need to spend a year living in seclusion at a Buddhist temple or something so my mind can heal to the point where bad fanfiction has an impact on me again.

A lot of the commenters on these posts note that kind of horrible desensitizing. I managed to muster up a number of "DEAR SWEET LORD"s while reading the posts, so hopefully I can still feel a little.

The idea of an Oxford Illustrated History of Oxford Illustrated Histories actually sounds like an interesting thing to read. But then, I am weird...
21st-Mar-2009 01:22 pm (UTC)
Oh. My. God.

I made it partway through the Care Bear sex story before I had to bleach my brain. WTF.

Thank you for finding this and posting it. I now feel like any time I'm really down on myself for my writing or second guessing myself at least I can say I never wrote Care Bear S&M...and that makes me feel better.

21st-Mar-2009 08:44 pm (UTC)
A piece of me feels bad for more or less mocking the people who wrote this. No, more accurately, a piece of me feels like I should feel bad for more or less mocking the people who wrote this. I mean...CARE BEAR S&M. Who thinks about that? Who WANTS to think about that? It wouldn't even be a funny "dare you to write this" topic. AAAAAAAAAAA.

And yes, reading some of these fics is very much like going to Walmart, and looking at the shoppers who are even fatter than me but wearing tube tops and walking with a tattooed mulleted guy, and thinking, "Wow. I feel so much better about myself now..."
22nd-Mar-2009 10:30 am (UTC)
That's the thing...I get that we all have different things that interest us and I'm pretty open minded about that but some thigns I just can't wrap my brain around and Care Bear S&M is one.

I mean, really? Someone wanted to read that? Someone had the urge to write that? Okay....

LOL at your Walmart comparison. I can't help but think, 'yes I know I'm being a bitch, but c'mon!'
21st-Mar-2009 04:41 pm (UTC)
Oh my god, I love this!!

...That's probably not a good thing, is it?
21st-Mar-2009 08:46 pm (UTC)
It's impossible to look away. My fiance couldn't believe I spent an hour poking around through all the posts. But...man, Yoda/Mace Windu slash. How can that not be hysterical?
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