I'm trying to decide what to do tonight. I was invited to a Hallowe'en party that friends-of-friends are having, and I was assured that they are fun people, but that I Have To Wear A Costume. I said I would go. But.
I don't really like wearing costumes, plus I would have to make an otherwise unneeded trip to several stores, which makes me feel like I'm wasting a good chunk of the afternoon. I am having cramps and my face and neck have broken out nastily. I'm having to reinstall the OS on the almost-brand-new computer in a last-ditch effort to keep from taking it in to a professional for repairs. Euchre last night, which is usually fun, sucked. I have about 6 unfinished projects staring me in the face, plus a list of new ones I keep saying I want to start "when I have the time". And there are a half-dozen other things pulling on my brain, which, combined with the rest, means I'm in a bad bad mood. And I don't deal well with a big room full of strangers even when I'm in a good mood. I've spent more time this morning dreading going to the party than doing anything else on my list of projects and things to do.
The problem is, I know that sometimes I dread going to things, and instead of sitting in the corner counting the minutes till I can go, I do actually meet someone who is quite fun to talk to. But that's only sometimes: other times I get there, meet everyone and end up sitting quietly in a chair counting the minutes till my friends are ready to leave. I keep wavering between texting S and saying, "You don't want me to come, I'll just be a bitch", and putting on shoes to get the shopping over with.
I just feel an increasing need for one weekend where I do not do anything, I do not go anywhere, I just sit down and mindlessly game for 48 hours with no other human beings in proximity. I've been jonesing for Sim City--I realized last week I haven't even installed it on the new desktop, which means I haven't played since March--and I had a blast playing Kingdom of Loathing but haven't even logged in in weeks, because my brain screams at me that I have too many other things to do to be playing games. Maybe if I promise to do that next weekend, no matter what people try to get me to do, maybe my mood will improve enough that I can actually concentrate on something this afternoon.