I'd just like to start with a totally non-related text message conversation that I had while setting up the computer to record tonight's episode. And yes, both parties involved in this conversation are over the age of 30.
E: Anybody interested in working my shift tomorrow? Ozzy is doing an in-store at Best Buy in Coon Rapids, so I won't be at work tomorrow, though my boss doesn't know this.
Me: Now I KNOW you're full of shit. Ozzy is NOT playing at the Coon freaking Rapids Best Buy.
E: Autograph session. Check www.93X.com. OZZY!!!!!!
Me: Oh, God. Please let someone film this and put it on YouTube.
E: If I don't meet Ozzy, I will absolutely, positively DIE.
Me: I'm still convinced this is just an elaborate hallucination. Sorry: an elaborate fucking hallucination.
E: Ozzy is signing autographs and taking photos at the Coon Rapids Best Buy tomorrow at 6 pm. I HAVE TO BE THERE.
Me: I'm still trying to figure out why Sharon agreed to let him appear in the Land of Trailer Parks. ...Oh. Never mind. Forgot my childhood for a second.
My cats got in a fight at the start of the Mohinder-Monica scene. I think they were expressing anger over the fact that Monica was stupid enough to go off with Mohinder right after meeting him.
"My name is Bob...and I'll be your server tonight." Am I the only person who thought this when he introduced himself to Monica?
Holy crap. Will they ever stop bringing Sylar up to Mohinder??? TPTB must not have been THAT bothered by the fans being into Mylar. And I honestly want to strangle Mo right now, by the way. If the Company whisks Molly off to some undisclosed location, I may go through with it.
If the whole cheerleading squad is so evil, why should I care about Claire wanting to join them?
Maya is a dumbshit and I demand that her head be cut open at some point. I'm sorry, but Sylar is totally playing her. I know my Hispanic friends' male relatives are very protective of them, but was Maya raised in a nunnery or something? I could have picked up on that crap at age 16. At least it's not coming off as creepy as I was afraid it would.
Compelling? Um, NO. The story of Hiro and Kensei is NOT compelling. Unless perhaps you have been sitting in a room with some of the probationers I used to work with at the juvenile court, and inhaling their secondhand pot fumes for several hours, in which case it might seem utterly fascinating. They apparently got some amazing shit, dudes, because they liked me even though I was the one who typed up and signed their arrest warrants.
Hee. HRG just said "droog". Hee. You know, I'm not sure how obliterating memories is a good threat. I mean, if the memory is obliterated, it's just kind of not there. He still remembers all the years they spent together. And even if the Haitian obliterated all of his memories of someone...then he just wouldn't remember anything at all, so he wouldn't have anything to miss. You know what the guy would really miss? HIS RIGHT HAND. That's a hint, HRG. Oh my God... I really am Sylar, aren't I?
Commercials. Millions were mesmerized by "Phenomenon"??? Are you kidding me? In what sad alternate reality? If such a reality exists, I think wholesale genocide will be the only way to salvage it. I'm Forsquilis, and I approve this message. What are you looking at me like that for? What, I'm not allowed to drink a beer after having only half a cup of leftover soup for dinner?
Dude, who is playing the Ukrainian guy? He totally looks familiar. I suppose I could go to IMDB and try to look him up, but I prefer to treasure the sensation of being intrigued by a development on Heroes. OK, yeah, I definitely shouldn't have had that beer on a practically empty stomach. I feel like Mary Camden right now. Half a beer and I've gone evil!
"Drive around them?" Shit. Gabriel Gray totally has no idea what country boys with guns are like, does he? I don't even like the Death Twins and I actively advocate in favor of their painful deaths, but yet I was terrified for their safety here. I went to school with someone who accidentally shot his toe off in a hunting accident and WAS PROUD OF IT, people. The only thing country boys with guns understand, is when the person facing them has a bigger gun. Or, you know, cries black death, I suppose. (Actually, accusing them of being gay also works, if you ever find yourself in a town where people sometimes marry their cousins. And I would just like to take this chance to reassure everyone that my parents ARE TOTALLY NOT COUSINS, even if my great-great-grandparents were.)
Mohinder, you are no longer my backup TV boyfriend. Seriously. That was the most ill-timed and and idiotic temper tantrum I have ever seen. IF THEY TAKE MOLLY AWAY AND HIDE HER, I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND TORTURE YOU. And once again, the cats went berserk during this scene. See? Even animals sense that Mohinder has been beaten with a stupid stick this season!
How is it that Claire has ended up at two schools where cheerleaders wear their uniforms 24/7? When I was in school there were very strict rules about how uniforms could only be worn on game days. Have schools really changed that much since my day?
Holy fuck. How badly does the Company need Mohinder if they're going to overlook his tantrum? I'm kind of scared with now and...um. Wow. What did they do to Mohinder's hair between the last scene and this one? Okay, he can be my backup TV boyfriend again. I honestly have no idea what went down in the rest of that scene with Bob and Mohinder and Mohinder's pretty pretty hair and Mohinder's lovely eyes and...um. Gabriel who?
OK, now the cats are freaking out as Hiro messes up the space-time continuum. Aaaaaand...no, I'm not caring about Hiro's romance any more than I've cared about any of the others. (Hey...wasn't Peter in this episode?) Also, how exactly did Kensei manage to get there soon enough to see them kiss?
OH MY GOD. I THINK I LOVE ALEJANDRO. YES, I DO LOVE ALEJANDRO. HE HAS SOMEHOW GOTTEN POSSESSION OF THE BALLS FORMERLY OWNED BY MOHINDER. I adore Sylar, BUT THAT WAS THE HELL YEAH MOMENT OF THE EPISODE: "don't reach for my hands..."
And now a brief text message interlude:
D: I cannot believe how good Sylar looked with a bloody lip, telling off Alejandro. No me gusta Alejandro, okay?
Me: The boy looks good with a bloody lip, what can I say? And I admire Al's guts even if Maya doesn't deserve it.
D: Mmm, to me it is a cultural thing. We protect our own at any cost.
Me: But unlike [your] family members, she has the IQ of pizza dough. I shall be so unhappy if Sylar kills him but not her.
D: Look, he PROMISED he was going to kill her. And even as dumb as pizza dough, she can tell he is hot. I can't blame her for falling for the BS.
Me: Yeah, once again Sylar knows exactly what to say to manipulate someone.
D: And THAT I find sexy. It shows not only intelligence but cunning. And a knowledge of people I would use if I could.
Me: Just promise me you won't steal my brain when you visit over Christmas, OK? Also? I may have found Mo hotter than Sylar, in his last couple scenes this episode. Though I shall deny saying that if you repeat it to anyone.
D: I will let you save your brain for Sylar because I love you. As soon as I hear Mo speak, I go all 13-year-old. He is so hot.
Me: My GOD. Mo was disturbingly hot in the second half of this episode. Can I have both him and Sylar? Now?
D: Sylar, yes. Mo, you will have to wait your turn.
Me: I HATE YOU. Also, do you now understand how I was argued into accepting Mylar?
Also, what is it about exposure to Sylar that makes other men go badass? Is there some way to bring Peter within 20 feet of Sylar without anyone getting killed, so that he can absorb some of the awesomeness? That might actually make me start to not dislike Peter. Don't tell anyone I said that, OK?
Wait a minute, who's being turned evil here, Maya or Claire? It never occurred to me that West might be a Company plant until, like, everyone I knew told me it was "obvious" he was. And now...yeah, I think everyone I know is right.
I repeat, if the Haitian takes Ivan's memories of his daughter, he just...won't remember. So how will he be hurt? I mean, he won't know he SHOULD be hurting. Am I just a cold evil bitch? I was just thinking about getting a life insurance policy and making my 3-year-old nephew the beneficiary, so I can't be TOO evil.
Commercials. Oh my God. Will TV stations up here never stop milking the bridge collapse for ratings? "The miracle baby of the 35W bridge collapse"! Oh no...November sweeps are coming up, I'm going to have to spend the next four weeks listening to this, aren't I? Time to get another beer. Or two. Or three.
Thank the freaking Lord: Hiro is finally facing consequences for staying in the past. I have to say, one of the things that bugged me about the "Kensei is suddenly good!" storyline was that it happened so quickly, I refused to buy it. Glad to see he's still nasty and selfish underneath it all.
Monica has half a brain. I really hope she doesn't die.
Niki and Mo? I could enjoy that. Especially since Mo's sense has come back enough that he's scared of her.
Oh, fuck. Peter WAS in this episode. June 14th, 2008? That's next year? You're kidding! I never would have figured that out! Thank you, Tim Kring, for pointing this out to me! Also, thank you for the shitty green-screening in this scene! Bah.
OK, I could have done without the cheestastic evil/good captions on the previews for next week. But...93% of the world's population is dead? SECOND HELL YEAH MOMENT OF THE EPISODE. I don't know what the hell was up with last week's boring-ass episode, but now that everyone's dead, I suddenly care again. Oh my God. I really am Sylar, aren't I?
Hey...HEY!!! Parkman wasn't in this episode! O, my cup runneth over!!!
And now that Heroes is finished, Journeyman is opening with A-Ha. It's like Christmas and my birthday all wrapped into one!
Now that the episode is over, the cats are suddenly huddling close to me. I think they sense that I found Mohinder hot tonight, and are jealous that I might abandon them to run away with him.