I have this new hat that I bought at the Craftstravaganza in St. Paul a couple of months ago. And it just keeps staring at me, begging me to wear it. It says to me, "Aren't I cute and special and lovely? Don't you like me? Your friends all liked me, and told me you should buy me even though you really couldn't afford me."
And I say to it, "Yes, but you are made of wool and it is 87 degrees outside today."
However, the hat is beginning to wear me down. So I have taken a picture of it to appease it. I'm trying to make it understand that it has to wait another 75 days before it gets cold enough that I can wear it, but it still sits there, muttering at me.
So, to try to distract myself from the hat's continuing and unhealthy influence, I was leafing through my notebooks. The writing group I go to on Saturday mornings is a lot of fun, but sometimes people say some...odd...things. And now I am passing them on here.
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"The prompt is, 'I just have different beliefs comma that's all'. <pause> Don't write the word 'comma', just insert a comma in the sentence."
"I love raisanettes. They're fat-free, they're tasty and they cleanse my colon."
"He's a leper, but he gives good back rubs."
"You camp in the Boundary Waters? Are you one of those people who pack out their poop? I don't need all the details."
"I do offer yoga instruction in people's homes, for an extra fee. One of my clients, a dominatrix, lives in this beautiful-"
"What?....she's a what?"
"And...you know this how?"
"One day she suddenly said, 'Oh--I lost track of time! Just a moment' and ran upstairs. When she came back down, she explained that she had a client tied up in the dungeon in the attic and was supposed to go up and change his position after a certain amount of time."
"Nothing like a good mauling to clear out the forest and let us get back to doing what we do best."