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:: "fuzzy romance and brutal terror" : apparently, I can get behind that ::
Where is Sylar's finger of doom when you need it? 
16th-Mar-2008 05:52 pm
Lewis Black - horse
I don't know if I've ever talked about the Nuclear Mutant Squirrels. These squirrels that live around my house just plain scare me. Among many other things, they have:
** dragged a peanut butter jar around my backyard while making threatening noises at me as I stood on the deck
** chewed a hole in the kitchen window screen and came in to eat food on my counter while I was 15 feet away watching TV in the living room 
** when I later left the kitchen window slightly ajar to let air flow through the house, came back into it and gnawed at the countertop to try to get enough room to get in again, and hissed at me when I came in and poked them with a fork to try to drive them away 
** chewed away so much of the railing on the balcony that I had to replace it last summer, and have now chewed one of the deck boards so badly I'm going to have to replace it
** chewed the cable line so badly I had to have it replaced (the Time Warner guy said he had never seen anything like it)
** stuck a half-eaten chicken breast in the lattice on my screen door for reasons known only to themselves (at first I thought maybe one of the kids next door had done it, but I could see the muddy little paw-prints leading to and from it)

This last one is most important because I just stood up a moment ago, looked through the piano windows in my living room, and saw...this.



This is a breadstick which has been carefully balanced in the branches of the tree.  Were they interrupted in the midst of a meal? Got full and decided to just leave it there? Under the mistaken impression that this is an optimum method for food storage?  Just trying to piss me off?

I have been having a scattered, stressy day because I'd gotten back in the habit of drinking pop again, and was trying to go all day without any.  But I'm reaching the point of being twitchy and unable to focus.  And for some reason, this was like the final irritating straw of the day.  So despite not needing the calories or the junk food, and not needing to spend the money, I am about to go order a pizza and a 2-liter of Coke to go with it.  And then watch Torchwood.  I bet Ianto would know what to do about the squirrels.  He knows everything.

Comments 
16th-Mar-2008 11:44 pm (UTC)
Wow. Where do you live? I need to avoid squirrels from your area. I'm scared now.
17th-Mar-2008 01:41 am (UTC)
Even my friends are scared of them, and they only live 20 blocks away. That's why we call them the Nuclear Mutant Squirrels: it's like being in some Sci Fi Channel movie, where scientists dump toxic waste and it turns the local animals into monsters.
17th-Mar-2008 12:06 am (UTC)
I did my undergrad work at the University of Louisville, and the campus squirrels were scary smart. We had a family (tribe? Flock? Whatever) of albino squirrels, and the others learned to hang with the albinos so they could get food and treats as well. People came from all over to see the albino squirrels, so we had some really well fed rodents. But these guys weren't content with handouts. Nope. They broke into vending machines and made off with candy bars and snacks. They (I am not making this up - I know two people who had it happen to them) learned to unzip backpacks and make off with lunches and candy bars. When the weather was nice, students would hang in the quad, sometimes napping or reading, and the squirrels would get into any backpack that was left unguarded and riffle around for food. I even heard one group would look cute and beg for food as a distraction while a second group would search the backpacks, but I'm not sure I really believe they were that organized.

Maybe your guys are descendants of former University of Louisville squirrels.

Video of one of the the albino squirrels, who is unconcerned about his/her fame.
17th-Mar-2008 01:47 am (UTC)
I totally believe that the little bastards can do all that. It astounds me what they're able to get into around here. I once went inside long enough to use the restroom while planting seeds, and they went through the seed packets and selected the best-smelling ones to tear open and eat. Oh - I forgot that they've also managed to chew a hole big enough to fit through in my heavy-duty city-issued garbage container, so I'm going to have to contact the city about replacing it. They are as bad as raccoons.

We had a family (tribe? Flock? Whatever) of albino squirrels

There's a neighborhood in Bowling Green (Ohio, not Kentucky) that had some albino squirrels! The most we ever saw at one time was three, so I'm not sure how many there were. They were out in a townie neighborhood though, and since there wasn't a ready source of handouts and places to raid, they were rather shy instead of aggressive.
17th-Mar-2008 12:25 am (UTC)
Aren't squirrels just insane?! I mean, I thought we had it bad here with the squirrels who'll do stuff like go up to people and expect food, AND chase stray cats down the street (I am not kidding, I actually saw this happen once.) That's terrible about your deck, though. Pizza and soda always make things better, and I'm assuming that Torchwood probably does as well.
17th-Mar-2008 01:51 am (UTC)
I can believe that they chase cats! I have a bird feeder hanging on my window to amuse my cats, and the squirrels will climb up the window and hang on the screen to eat the seeds, even though there's nothing separating them from the frantic cats but a flimsy screen window. I've never seen anything quite as bad as these squirrels, though. I could understand it if they were in a park and had no fear because they begged for food all the time, but the nearest park is 3 blocks away.

This week's Torchwood was quite good. I'm a bit scared about next week though, as the premise looks rather hokey. I'm going to hope that they pull it off well though, especially since I figured this week's episode would feature some miracle cure but yet it didn't.
17th-Mar-2008 11:55 am (UTC)
This week's U.S. Torchwood was 2x08, right? A Day in the Death? LOVED that episode. So much.

And don't worry about next week's ep. I had pretty much the same reaction when I saw the promo ("Oh geez, Angel did this storyline TWICE, and it sucked BOTH times."). But they actually handle it really well, and I ended up liking the episode a lot. That's Torchwood for you. It's hit-and-miss sometimes, but it has a knack for taking done-to-death episode premises and doing an astonishingly GOOD JOB with them.

The squirrels I saw in London were bold little buggers, but I think your atomic mutant squirrels would eat them alive.
17th-Mar-2008 03:39 pm (UTC)
I liked it a fair amount while watching, but started loving it when we got to the end and I realized that there was no deus ex machina, that Owen was still a walking undead and nothing was going to change that. I'm really looking forward to seeing how they develop his character.

Also, now that Ianto is an active member of the team, I think they need to hire that would-be suicide as the new tea boy (OK, tea girl). I was in hysterics listening to her snark at Owen.
17th-Mar-2008 04:09 am (UTC)
I laughed so hard at that picture!

*laughs some more*

Squirrels are crazy. The ones on campus here are ruthless, and not just to get food, but because they seem to honestly hate people. A friend of mine had surgery on her finger once, and a couple of weeks later tried to feed a squirrel, and, instead of taking the food, it bit her finger badly enough that she had to have another surgery.
17th-Mar-2008 03:56 pm (UTC)
instead of taking the food, it bit her finger badly enough that she had to have another surgery.

OMG! That is awful! They can be cute to watch from a distance, but they become fearless in no time, and I just don't trust them any more. I know there have to be raccoons in the neighborhood because about once a year, I'll see one dead on the freeway, but they at least stay hidden and don't threaten and attack people.
17th-Mar-2008 10:04 pm (UTC)
LOLOLOL OMFG BREADSTICK!!!!!!!!

Those are some Einstein squirrels, yo. I bet they plot for world domination while you sleep. ROFL!
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